Letter to an Unfriend

Earlier this year I learned from a friend about the Konmari Method. It is a method of tidying where you “keep only those things that speak to the heart, and discard items that no longer spark joy.”

In my first attempt, I applied this philosophy to my dresser. It was piled high and crammed full of clothing. As I emptied and cleared the top of the dresser, I found oversized 5k t-shirts that I had never worn, items that I kept out of obligation or memory, and items I didn’t even remember owning. I didn’t just stop at the dresser and ended up clearing out 5 bags of clothes to Goodwill.

Now that I have been spending more time than normal at home, I'm starting to run out of rooms to apply this method. My attention turned to my Facebook account. I scrolled through my “Friends” list and wondered how many of these “relationships” spark joy. After much deliberation, I ended up removing a fair number of friends from my list this weekend.

I was left wondering why this was so challenging. Part of it is the one-sided closure that it creates. Part of it is the culture of appearances- the quantities of friends is more important than the real connection. However, the call to tidy-up was louder than the comfort of appearances.

One of the beautiful pieces of Konmari is when you decide to discard something, you thank it first. I thought it only fitting to do this here as well.

Dear Unfriend,

It's not you, it's me. I know that is the lame break up line that everyone has heard at some point in their life, but it's true.

Perhaps we met at a party once upon a time, never to see each other again.

Maybe we were acquaintances in school and out of obligation I friended you, despite having no memory of you ever being nice to me.

And maybe we were really close at one time but for very complicated reasons we're not anymore. It hurts more to be friends online and never connect in real life.

While our relationship at one time did spark joy, it's time to put that down. It's not that I don't care or don’t still love you. However, it brings more sadness than joy when I see your name pop-up on my feed.

So, thank you. Thank you for the role that you have played in my life whether it was for a reason or a season.