Getting Personal about Perfectionism
Since July I have been working with a coach. I want to say lots of nice things about her but I don’t think I can.
She has pushed, prodded, coaxed, nudged, and flat out challenged me. The biggest thing that she has challenged me on is the concept of perfectionism. How does perfectionism show up for me, you ask?
It is the reason for my procrastination because nothing is good enough.
It is why I take 20 selfies, just to get one that I like.
It is why I change my outfit 5 times before I leave the house.
It is why I haven’t posted on this blog as often as I would like.
It is the reason that I diet and exercise.
It is why I don’t invite friends to my house without spending 8 hours cleaning up and organizing.
photo credit: Jonathan Hoxman
Do any of these resonate with you?
By definition, perfectionism is the refusal to accept any standard short of perfection. As you know there is no such thing as perfection.
Why do so many of us chase it? What happens in our brain that shifts drive to perfectionism?
I am sure that everyone’s cause is their own. I can think of a list of reasons and experiences that have influenced this perspective for me. As I process this, I have begun to realize that my perfectionism is one of the key factors in my anxiety. It cripples me to inaction.
While I have not yet found a solution, I have been trying two things that have been helpful.
The first is to pay attention to the thoughts that come up for me around perfectionism- what prompts them and the words that surface. If I can identify these things, perhaps I can manage the thoughts.
Second, I practice self-compassion. Once I notice these thoughts, I give myself grace. When I do not practice this I get myself into a hamster wheel of judgment- I criticize the criticism and judge the judgment.
It has taken a lifetime to build this mindset and I am hopeful that, with intention, I can undo this unhealthy pattern. The biggest thing that I want you to know is that you are not alone if you struggle with perfectionism.